You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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