Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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