I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
