Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
