Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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