You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
