I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
