I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
