FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
