He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
