I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
