I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
