I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
