He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
