you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
