just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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