You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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