if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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