This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
