took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
