i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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