idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
