It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
