At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
