At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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