Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is Oprah even human
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
