genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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