I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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