508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
