Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
