Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My liver just had a heart attack.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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