I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
