So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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