Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
