Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When are your genitals available?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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