Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
