I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
