Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
