My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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