Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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