I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
