Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
