Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
