i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
