I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
