please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
