How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
