Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i think my cat just said my name.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
