I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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