Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
