if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
