..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
